I will get the finals’ results tomorrow. The first year of uni has been a wrap. Still can’t believe it. I’m so worried and nervous.
Tomorrow might be the biggest day of all this year as it will be kind of a confirmation that I’m attending an university. I still feel I kinda live in a bubble and can’t believe I’ve completed the first year of Digital Arts & Entertainment, a game development course. The first year was hard and I feel I didn’t give my 100% always, made some mistakes especially in the beginning, but regardless I loved every second of it and I really hope I pass tomorrow. I want to go to the second year so badly.
I’m so worried. I haven’t had a proper holiday in 3 years where I could relax and set my mind strange. There are so many things I want to do and that now I can have properly time for. I also know the exam results might ruin this all and make me feel worried and sad with each single thing I do throughout the holidays. I also hate getting a score below 10/20, I just don’t want it and regard myself as being completely worthless in that course if I get a low score like that. At the same time I’m not happy with scores between 10-15/20 but I know looking at my work that’s kind of the score I deserve at the same time. Let’s break trough all the courses I had and give an estimate on the score I will get.
Integration: centered around exploring game genres/development models/player types/console types. Group presentations went “OK” throughout the year even though I don’t talk much and I’m sure the teachers have noted. Exam was easy and went good, guessing a 12/20 score.
Applied Math & Physics: I didn’t understand a lot trough-out the year and I basically had to learn 5 months of course in 2 days. Bad choice. I didn’t study everything for the exam because there was no time. In the 2 days before the exam, I learned and realized so much that I’m kind of proud of myself. The theory exam went hideous, as in I could actually get a 0/20 on it hideous. Lots of questions that I hadn’t even studied, and those questions I was supposed to answer just didn’t go well =.= The practical part of the exam was programming a physics game, that went great though. I love that physics aspect and understand it, and for advanced stuff I’m able to research, follow PDFs and tutorials and understand it and get it working in code. That went great as in I could actually get a 20/20 on that part. So I did part good, part bad so I really don’t know how this final result will turn out to be. I’m hoping they’re nice and give me a 10/20, though I know I don’t deserve it and will work to improve during the holidays on the math side.
Preproduction: My preproduction skills have really improved over the last month, so did my overal points. The exam went all-right, even though some things could’ve been better I’m so tremendously happy I did the final colored painting together with a couple of value studies in one single day, a big improvement over other assignments. During the last exams in December I got a 9/20 for this course, but I certainly feel I did a bit better this time around, so probably a 10/20 (this equals a 13-14 in normal grade terms, you ain’t seeing someone get higher than a 16/20 on this course unless he’s a direct descendant of some Roman God.)
3D: The assignment was to recreate a CG vintage car. The exam again went smoothly, much better than in December. They didn’t like I picked various components from other editions of the same car I liked best, rearview mirror from that, headlights from this, …) they compared my car side by side with the real deal, so those things were very noticeable. Still, compared to others I did well, had a decent scene setup and naming conventions, OK model. My other assignments have each had a score between 10-14/20, which isn’t great, but certainly passable. The thing that I like about the 3D course is that I don’t spend thát much time on it, and I don’t encounter Behemoth errors like some people do. I love it and it goes fast and nice, and I deliver decent models. Think my score will be a 12/20.
Programming: Programming went flawless, not perfect, but flawless. Some minor mistakes, some assignments I haven’t handed-in on time during the year and an OK theory exam will probably get me a 16/20
Overal, the second semester went MUCH better than the first, it was more fun and I learned so many new great things, and I hope it kind of shows in the points. If I get the above scores I will be happy, because that’s what I deserve imo. Some might say they’re low, but then again I know some people work day and night and go trough lots of trouble to get everything done, and those people really deserve to get great points in my opinion.
Still I’m worried. Tomorrow might end it all, my holiday would be ruined if I had to redo an exam in August. My mind is playing with the thought I don’t pass and won’t be able to go to the second year, and that’s really hurting me. I kind of shake it aside and tell myself everything will be fine, and tomorrow can’t come fast enough to see the results.
Random though: I’m hearing from many people IRL & online that they spend their holidays watching movies, playing games and doing various other leisure activities and I kind of want to try that too now, I feel like I have an immense backlog of movies and games I should play to be accepted as “normal”. Then again is being accepted as “normal” a goal you set yourself, or is it being set by what other people like. Does it matter what games/movies others like or what you like yourself, or what you could potentially come to like?